My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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