I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
