I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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