Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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