Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
