well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
