so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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