I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I understand Curling. That high.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
