so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
