Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
