Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
