found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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