My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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