I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
