Are we in a gay sports bar?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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