He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
