her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
