Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
