Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
