I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize