You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
