As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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