started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Operation Purity has been aborted
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
