You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
