i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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