Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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