i think i have herpe
just one?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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