I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
