I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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