At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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