Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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