my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
