idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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