I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
