I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
