Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
