Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
