but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
