so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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