I wish I could teleport
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
