i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
