there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
