I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
