Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
