"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize