This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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