my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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