I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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