tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
