If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize