Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize