Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
