he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
