THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
