I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
