you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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