also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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