Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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