I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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